Alive: 2018 Recap
A 6-year hiatus...hello blog, I'm alive. (:
Echoing many others, a key word for 2018 was "tough". A car crashed in to our 3-family home (with no one hurt by God's grace) in March; I started experiencing mild bipolar symptoms + my always-lurking periodic depression became something quite real; school became a torment; I lost my sense of self and self-esteem; I strayed far from God. All in all, this was the year I understood the meaning of disillusionment.
However, all that cannot overshadow the countless gifts of grace and ephemera strewn across my days like constellations. Clearing out our broken house for renovation gave me the chance to really contemplate my 13 years spent living there. Having been a hoarder of sorts as a child, it was refreshing to come out, 2 dusty weeks later, with my life distilled in to a few mismatched bags and suitcases. Despite the losses, there were moments in the aftermath when I felt amazingly alive. There was a renewed sense of quiet excitement, about simply being here on this earth with loved ones beside you.
Some other highlights:
- I tried my hand at cooking with spices for 2 months (ft. Japanese curry and pasta dishes deemed successful by the parental unit YASS).
- My dream of having a house pet came true; not 1, not 2 but 3 neighbourhood felines (and counting) regularly visit our new rental 3:
- I saw my kids again at Round 2 of Salvation Army NYT's Art Camp.
- I visited (and fell in love with) Montreal for the first time.
- I enjoyed many more food (and other) adventures across Toronto, which deepened my love for the city and the kindred souls I've met here.
- I had the privilege of going to a BTS concert. ^^
- I rediscovered a few books that touched my life years ago, namely The Highly Sensitive Person, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Practicing the Presence of People, and Redeeming Sex. It was largely through these works, along with prayerful support that I slowly began my way back to God.
And all the precious moments with friends at Robarts, at the movies, at sunset in commute, at home with family or dabbling in music production or streaming anime, at the occasional dance studio, at random places on blissful nights. And so much more.
In the beginning and end of the year I spent some time deeply reflecting on the various amazing souls in my life, whom I've had the pleasure of calling "friends". I was struck by how selfish and dishonest I've been. I hate being taken for granted but realized that I may have been guilty of the same crime. This remorse made me especially grateful + appreciative of those who chose to stick by my side. This year, I'll work on deeper listening, selflessness and honesty towards others and myself. I'll learn to truly treasure the people God's put in my life.
2018 was also the year I became deeply aware of the toxic, addictive influence of social media on my mental health. This had been an on-and-off battle since early high school. I was, and forever will be my own worst critic -- but social media only fanned the flames. This year, I will be much more cautious and intentional with my use of this medium. I'll work hard to make sure I'm not controlled by it -- nor by the perceptions of people, nor my own toxic thought cycles.
And finally, it's been a long time since middle school when I discovered a love for writing. As clear thinking leads to clear writing and reading and vice versa (or however the saying goes), I am making an(other) effort to start blogging again. Hopefully from this written clarity of mind, I will soon be able to return to another treasured medium: art.
Echoing many others, a key word for 2018 was "tough". A car crashed in to our 3-family home (with no one hurt by God's grace) in March; I started experiencing mild bipolar symptoms + my always-lurking periodic depression became something quite real; school became a torment; I lost my sense of self and self-esteem; I strayed far from God. All in all, this was the year I understood the meaning of disillusionment.
However, all that cannot overshadow the countless gifts of grace and ephemera strewn across my days like constellations. Clearing out our broken house for renovation gave me the chance to really contemplate my 13 years spent living there. Having been a hoarder of sorts as a child, it was refreshing to come out, 2 dusty weeks later, with my life distilled in to a few mismatched bags and suitcases. Despite the losses, there were moments in the aftermath when I felt amazingly alive. There was a renewed sense of quiet excitement, about simply being here on this earth with loved ones beside you.
Some other highlights:
- I tried my hand at cooking with spices for 2 months (ft. Japanese curry and pasta dishes deemed successful by the parental unit YASS).
- My dream of having a house pet came true; not 1, not 2 but 3 neighbourhood felines (and counting) regularly visit our new rental 3:
- I saw my kids again at Round 2 of Salvation Army NYT's Art Camp.
- I visited (and fell in love with) Montreal for the first time.
- I enjoyed many more food (and other) adventures across Toronto, which deepened my love for the city and the kindred souls I've met here.
- I had the privilege of going to a BTS concert. ^^
- I rediscovered a few books that touched my life years ago, namely The Highly Sensitive Person, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Practicing the Presence of People, and Redeeming Sex. It was largely through these works, along with prayerful support that I slowly began my way back to God.
And all the precious moments with friends at Robarts, at the movies, at sunset in commute, at home with family or dabbling in music production or streaming anime, at the occasional dance studio, at random places on blissful nights. And so much more.
In the beginning and end of the year I spent some time deeply reflecting on the various amazing souls in my life, whom I've had the pleasure of calling "friends". I was struck by how selfish and dishonest I've been. I hate being taken for granted but realized that I may have been guilty of the same crime. This remorse made me especially grateful + appreciative of those who chose to stick by my side. This year, I'll work on deeper listening, selflessness and honesty towards others and myself. I'll learn to truly treasure the people God's put in my life.
2018 was also the year I became deeply aware of the toxic, addictive influence of social media on my mental health. This had been an on-and-off battle since early high school. I was, and forever will be my own worst critic -- but social media only fanned the flames. This year, I will be much more cautious and intentional with my use of this medium. I'll work hard to make sure I'm not controlled by it -- nor by the perceptions of people, nor my own toxic thought cycles.
And finally, it's been a long time since middle school when I discovered a love for writing. As clear thinking leads to clear writing and reading and vice versa (or however the saying goes), I am making an(other) effort to start blogging again. Hopefully from this written clarity of mind, I will soon be able to return to another treasured medium: art.
If you've read this far, thank you. <3 you're a real one. I hope your year will be filled with self-honesty, realness, growth and joy. If there's ever anything I can help with, or anything you'd like to share, feel free to leave a message anytime. All the best in 2019, from a fellow wanderer.
Love,
Z.Y.W.
Love,
Z.Y.W.
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